"That's a whole new KIND of dumb"- Conan O'Brien

"Keep it cool babies. It's only a talk show" -Conan O'Brien

"I'm an ass" -Conan O'Brien

You catch you child swearing. Do you wash his mouth out with soap? Or do you sit him down and explain that he'd better not fucking do it again? I think you know what to do" -Conan O'Brien*

"Early, crap. Late, good. That's our motto here at Late Night." -Conan O'Brien*

"Well, I guess that we all learned a lesson today. That it's what's inside a person that counts. And that on the inside, midgets are thieving little bastards" -Conan O'Brien*

"No, no, we're the good crap now!" -Conan O'Brien*

"I was just almost murdered..." -Conan O'Brien*

"I'm the master of the ZING ZANG ZOOM!" -Conan O'Brien*

"My ass is going to be deep-fried. With 7 herbs and spices"-Conan O'Brien

"We could all live in the same castle. It's crazy"-Conan O'Brien

"Is this another dream that you had?"-Conan O'Brien

*Thanks to Mel for these Conetastic quotes!